Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Evidence of Growth

Aren't newborn babies the most precious things? I love how delicate and tiny they are! And yet there is such huge delight we take in their growth and development. Though I have often heard it said, and have probably said it myself, "oh can't you just stay little?!", deep down we don't really want that. For we know the growth and development of a baby is good and right.

Growth in our lives does not stop though when we reach our full physical statures. I love how in this life God leads us through many different journeys of growth and development. If we are open to and aware of even just some of the ways He is at work in our lives, life need never be dull. I personally find so much encouragement from moments when I can see that I am not at the same place that I was in the past. This is not that I need to feel I have grown in order to feel that I am valuable and loved...quite the contrary. I know that it is because of His love for me that God brings me along to greater places of health and maturity.

Recently God gave me just a glimpse of how He has grown me in the area of my emotional well being. Several days ago I had to get a bunch of cavities filled. That is a fun  :/ story in of itself, but I digress. The night before I was to go in to get them filled I was so upset. Not only was I bummed I had to go through the process of getting them filled, I felt like such a failure for allowing these cavities to form in the first place. I try to take such good care of my body - how could this happen? Hubby spent that night comforting me as I lamented my reality.

Now years ago, my woes would have seeped into every fiber of my being. I would have had a very hard time falling asleep. The situation would have been circling through my mind all night, probably even invading my dreams. Upon waking, those nasty cavities would have been the first thing to enter my consciousness, and I would have been filled with anxiety all morning.

Is that what happened to me though? No! Through the journey of having children God has dramatically changed me. He has used the pains and trials to slowly teach me I am not in control of life and that worrying over things I cannot change does not help. I still have a LONG way to go, but I don't worry about half of the things I used to. Each day is full and tiring enough without worrying about anything that is not directly in front of me. I would dare say I am often too tired to worry!

That night my head hit the pillow and I had already forgotten about the cavities. I woke up the next day and they were not a thought. I pumped milk for James and fed James while Nik fed the other kiddos. I then ate some breakfast myself, cleaned the kitchen, played with James, read some stories to the children. Then I put James down for a nap and went to get dressed when Nik said something about the dentist...

Dentist?! Oh, right! I had a dentist appointment and had to leave like really soon! Not only was I not fretting about the dreaded dentist appointment, I had COMPLETELY forgotten I even had an appointment! Now this might not seem like the biggest thing to you, but let me tell you - if I am at all stressed out over something, I do NOT just forget about it like that. Or at least that used to be the case :).

I had to laugh over the whole situation! On the one hand it was a blatant reminder of my terrible case of mommy brain. On the other hand it was a beautiful reminder of the awesomeness of my wonderful Lord who has changed me in ways I could never have imagined possible. Fear and anxiety have at least a little less hold on my life and I am more free now to enjoy the moments of my days than I ever was in the past. I might be a bit of a mess as a mommy of 4 (and clearly in need of a day planner that I consult every morning) but thanks to this journey I am on, I am also a slightly more emotionally healthy one!

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